Where’s the Pause Button on Life?

Another year passed by so quickly. 2013 was surprisingly great for me. I became a better person and was mostly successful: I got out of the house and got a job, made friends (almost zapping my anxiety away completely), took two more online college courses and came to peace with my hair. Not bad.

I’m still loving my job – though it has its ups and downs (nothing is perfect). Overall it’s a joy to be there. I will have been a carhop for a year come the end of January which is super exciting. Right now I had to take some time off to travel with my mom to another one of her residencies in Kentucky. I’d heard of Chicago, but I never thought I would actually experience negative degree weather until a couple days ago when it reached -1 in Murray. The people here are even nicer than in Tennessee which prompts me to tip the pizza guy even bigger (I am now officially out of cash).

The pets are driving me crazy here. The cats and bird have been misbehaving like crazy. Cleopatra won’t stop hissing at her sister Jade and Symba won’t stop screaming his head off. Caity (the dog) has a new trick called selective hearing. It seems nobody can behave.

My plans for this new year are kind of up in the air. The only thing I can confirm right now is my attendance for Johnny Depp‘s upcoming movie Transcendence in theaters in April. I still dream about him, sadly, but he has given me a new (sort of) inspiration for writing material. I am enjoying my mediocre-professional new camera I got (exchanged previously by two other cameras) for Christmas courtesy of my wonderful mother: Nikon CoolPix P520. It takes great shots and it’s easily portable. I love it.

I’m still watching a ton of movies and reading constantly. The last movie I watched was an old James Bond film, Diamonds Are Forever (1971). The last book I read was “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas” by the great Hunter S. Thompson (the second book I’ve read of his).
I’m still watching my favorite shows (in order of importance): Criminal Minds, Elementary, and New Girl. I have lately added to the list: The Michael J. Fox Show, Mom, and The Crazy Ones. I have yet to check out The Millers. I’ve been catching up on Undercover Boss (I like knowing about things) and I just recently learned of a new and interesting show: Intelligence. I wonder what my tastes say about me..

Apparently phones last even less than cars. My Samsung Galaxy S3 has lately turned into an annoying piece of shit. I’ve been struggling with it for the past few days because I recently up-sized the micro SD card and I guess it didn’t like that so it’s been acting up even more. Most times it doesn’t feel like sending messages – and when it does, they always take forever to send. I have given up on it. Maybe tomorrow I’ll have a a change of heart, though I doubt it. There’s no point wasting my time again with T-Mobile. They’ll just tell me all the things I already know including to try and set it back to factory – which is below my last resort.

Well, that’s all for now. My cat (Cleopatra) is whining about something and I guess I should go see what she wants.
You may delay, but time will not.” – Benjamin Franklin

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‘Twas the Summer of 2013, and All Was Shaky

These are some of my newly acquired (and other) hobbies:

  • Collecting coins
  • Shopping on eBay
  • Hesitantly adding people I know on Facebook
  • Watching movies
  • Reading
  • Writing (a little)
  • Playing The Sims on my phone
  • Running from bees, wasps, and other scary things

I collect not only coins, but bills too (to my mother’s dismay). That’s mainly what I do on eBay: shop for dirt-cheap coins and bills. My job gives me the wonderful opportunity of stumbling upon old bills and coins through tips. Speaking of work, I love my job though it has its downs. My coworkers are a step down from the personality clashes I see on the show, L.A. Hair. It’s entertaining just to watch.
The best way to find out what I’ve seen lately, is by checking out my ratings history on IMDb (though a lot of times I go through and rate old movies I’ve seen and have forgotten to rate). I have Redbox release dates on all my calendars and frequently browse YouTube for any free, full-length movies worth watching.

I think my generation caught the social media thing towards the end after graduating. I feel kind of old now when it comes to social media. All these new things are popping out out of the blue like every week, and it’s just exhausting. Keeping up with Johnny Depp is already exhausting (he’s currently promoting his latest movie, The Lone Ranger, and filming Transcendence when he’s not doing that, and who knows what else – very busy man). So first I did YouTube (I think), then Twitter, THEN Facebook (back and forth), then Formspring or whatever, then Google+, then Pinterest, then Instagram, then…etc. You see what I mean? I mean I know I don’t have to sign up for all of it, but it all looks interesting. Besides, that’s all I use my smartphone for anyway – to connect to social media, and play addicting games (The Sims FreePlay, iMobsters, and more).

My room is once again a mess. The floor is covered with ripped-open packages everywhere (I’ve been ordering a lot of stuff online) and clothes that I’ve been hoping my cat won’t urinate on before I can get them up off the floor. My closet isn’t any better.

My boss is a funny one. He loves keeping busy (no matter how hectic things get, he always has a goofy grin on his face). Lately I’ve been spotting a ton of spiders here and there. So here I’m constantly thinking of Spider-Man and brown recluses and trying to remain calm enough to not look like a complete idiot in public. The other day while I was working, I saw a transparent spider slowly hang down from the ceiling, suspended by its web. Its movement reminded me of Charlotte’s Web. I backed up and pointed out this spider to my co-workers; we had our boss come and deal with it. You know how he dealt with it? He took his hand and caught the web from the top, then proceeded to swing it around a little (with a goofy grin and the satisfaction of scaring us girls) before he dropped it onto the floor and mushed it with his shoe. I was watching closely the whole time and wasn’t sure he got it after it dropped to the floor, so I was hesitantly searching the ground for this transparent spider, when my boss pointed to where I was standing and said “There it is!”. I jumped up almost onto the counter, freaked out. He went back to work laughing at his joke.

My mom is once again heavily into graduate school. She’s studying for her MFA in Creative Writing. Just one more year and possible two more residencies to go. I’ll be honest, I’m sick of driving/riding through the country. I want to be somewhere that is permanent and comfortable. In a year, after she graduates, we’re moving back to Texas but who knows.
I guess I’ve finally decided on what to study in college: Film. I don’t want to be a director or actor, I just want to study Film and go from there. Twenty-years-old and I just realized this. Well, it could be worse I guess.

The pets are still driving me crazy. Caity (our dog) is going though the only thing that keeps her quiet and preoccupied faster than toilet flushing.

There are these chicken-flavored, braided chew toys (big) that she spends all day eating. It used to take her about two weeks to finish one; now she’s going through one every three days or so. Of course they’re sold at only one place at 2/$5, but I’m not rich!
The cats are getting on my nerves with their problems, but none of them is worse than Symba (our bird). He was doing just fine for 15 years, and then we had to go on a road trip, so we dropped him off at my grandmother’s house and she SPOILS HIM ROTTEN!!!! She searched the web for classical music so he could have something to listen to, she gave him all of her time AND she picked out the seeds he didn’t like! He was over there for a week. As soon as we all got settled at home, he noticed the change and started screaming his little head off. So everyday we had him listening to Mozart. That worked for a couple of months, but then he got sick of that, so we switched to watching cartoons on TV. He likes certain cartoons. I recently went and bought a Dora the Explorer DVD (it was painful) and he watches that at least three times a day, but he still has many screaming moments. I get several headaches and my mom doesn’t get any work done. He’s a disturbed bird that does not like to be disturbed. It’s lovely.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” – Abraham Lincoln 

New Beginnings

It’s been awhile since I’ve done anything that I used to do and love to do all the time. I actually feel guilty about it. Writing, blogging, taking pictures, etc. I’ve tried to stay on track with reading, drawing and watching movies, but it’s kind of hard when I spend all my time and energy working. One thing I never fully understood was the meaning of fast food. The definition has alerted my body so that when I come home, I go straight to bed for either a nap, or the night. I sleep for hours. Gone is my insomnia. Gone is my lazy life. I just try to keep up with it all. My coworkers make going to work fun though. They’re all hilarious and and make great company. Of course, it’s a lot better when I don’t screw up but they make me feel better and that’s awesome. Just observing, it’s like watching a really good sitcom.
I’m sort of enjoying my favorite season, but I never imagined something as extreme as ice on the car. That’s okay though, I like to wrap up and just relax. I’m dreading summer, but I doubt the humidity here will ever be as bad as back home. Speaking of home, God I’m so homesick. My mom and I will hopefully move back to our hometown in 2015. I just wish moving was easier. The physical aspect of moving I absolutely loathe. It doesn’t help that we need at least a four bedroom this time. No way can we shove all these pets and crap into a two bedroom. No way.

As a loyal Johnny Depp fan, I feel the need to complete my movie collection. I finally got around to ordering The Rum Diary and The Brave. At first, I’d gone looking for The Rum Diary in local stores completely shocked to find that they didn’t have a single DVD. Wtf? How in the hell is that even possible? But that’s what happens when you move from a huge city of almost five million people to a small town of a little over thirty-three thousand.
The Brave was very frustrating trying to find. I knew that Johnny Depp didn’t release his movie in this region, but I didn’t think it would be do difficult to find it on the world wide web. After finding it and paying more than I wanted to for it, I had to deal with making sure it was for all regions, because it’s not like I’ve got an all regions or region 2 player lying around anywhere. I don’t understand. You’d think he would be proud of his directorial debut, but nooooo, he won’t ever release it in the United States. If I hopefully ever meet him, boy will I have some questions for him.

If you’re still with me and haven’t been bored to death, here’s an update on the books I’m reading:
I’m mainly finishing Sword of the Rightful King by Jane Yolen that I started a couple years ago and pretty much forgot about (I actually love it), and I’m planning on reading these that are on my nightstand next:
Mental by Eddie Sarfaty
Between Mom and Jo by Julie Anne Peters (I also started reading this some years ago)
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

Now, if this damn Flixster app decides to work, I’ll watch Demolition Man before bed. I just don’t get it; technology is supposed to work. We are so not ready for robots.

Life belongs to the living, and he who lives must be prepared for changes.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goetge

My Weird Knee And Other Low Key Pains

I think I scared my cats walking like Jack Nicholson in The Shining as I ran to catch them. I’ve been having knee problems, so constant bending of my knee hurts. I’m beginning to hate beds that lift a little above the floor; it makes a great hiding spot for the cats mostly because I can’t fit under there so I get looks of almost pity from my cats when I try to wiggle to the center underneath the bed. They’re always just out of reach -_-
I have to lock the cats up at night in their carriers because one cannot be trusted and the other is questionable. Cleopatra is a normal cat, so she might try to go after our bird while everyone is asleep. Jade, the strange and bad one, can’t be trusted. She will go after the bird if she gets a chance and she’s very destructive, so I can’t lock her in a bedroom. It’s a very difficult situation, as usual. You’d think I’d be in great shape from trying to catch them all the time (they’re fast little demons). I don’t know what interests me about cats; I really don’t.

My laptop died again the other day. I need to take it to get fixed, I just haven’t gotten around to it yet. It’s a decent laptop, but I would prefer an updated one with more options.

Speaking of computers dying, my phone battery died while I was away from home. The thing about me is, I prepare for everything. I pack extra everything justifying it all by telling myself each time, ”Just in case…you never know..”. Sometimes I overpack but I feel good knowing I have plenty of everything so I’ll never be without anything (I think I fear boredom). I even packed a flashlight! But I didn’t pack an extra phone battery or charger. I had to wait till my mom and I got back home to get a new battery since there wasn’t a T-Mobile anywhere nearby (there’s only so much country I can take). So of course my phone died by then, but I had a tablet so it wasn’t so bad (oh my God, I sound like my ungrateful generation). I’m so sick of these damn smartphones and these stupid cellphone companies.

It’s been bothering me how behind I am from my peers. But I’ve almost made a decision about college. I want to study either Film (screenwriting/film criticism etc.) or Public Relations. I just don’t know anymore. It’d be cool to work with/for Johnny Depp though 😉

Lately I’ve been keeping up with the following shows:
New Girl, Criminal Minds, Elementary and American Idol (I’m a fan of Keith Urban and am interested in what he has to say as a judge).
I’ve still been watching a lot of movies and I’ve been trying to write more (I’m working on like six different projects). I read some too; and when I’m not doing all of that, I’m playing two games: The Sims FreePlay (for Android) and iMobsters (for Android). Both highly addictive games.
Don’t worry, I’m working on trying to get a life.

Other than that, I guess my mind is just all over the place…

Without a struggle, there can be no progress.
Frederick Douglass

My 3-Day Birthday and More Bugs

I turned 19 yesterday (May 31st). I don’t feel it at all. It’s just a number.
The day before my birthday my mom let me get a few things I picked out while shopping for the apartment. I got a few puzzles. I love puzzles. I have not yet concurred the 1,000 piece puzzle, but 500 piece puzzles are easy to me. I found one that is 750 pieces. I can’t wait to start them. Yes, I’m back on my puzzle-obsession phase.
Afterwards, we went to see Dark Shadows finally (it wasn’t as great as I thought it would be. That’s like the second movie now of Johnny Depp‘s that have sort of disappointed me (the first was The Rum Diary)).
The day OF my birthday, my mom and I rented a movie (Gone) after I finished decorating and organizing around the apartment (another new obsession/hobby).
Today I finally got around to claiming my tiny birthday scoop of ice cream from Baskin Robbins. For once I was sick of getting chocolate, so I tried Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough; I’m really not fond of vanilla. I enjoyed the Blue Raspberry Sherbet much better.
I discovered a few interesting things and a little too much information from my family. I’ve been promised gift cards (or something like that), so I’m having fun with the mail. I still have a major interest in mail. I sent off like five postcards to friends and family back in my hometown and so. I like stamps too by the way.

I’ve been watching a bunch of movies lately, but I’ve still managed to get some reading in. I’m currently reading ”On The Road” – by Jack Kerouac. It’s all sorts of things, but by far the strangest book I’ve ever read. Johnny Depp doesn’t make much sense either.

You know, it’s very frustrating to prove to someone that you’re serious and not crazy when there has been a lot of craziness in the past (a rather soon past, I’ll admit). I have major anxiety, and the outdoors increases my fears. It’s not so much the feeling of pain, because it’s barely a pain; no, it’s the site of the biting insects that creep me out so much that I run around screaming and slapping myself all over like a maniac. Well, I was helping my mom take out the trash, when all of a sudden I felt something small and alive land on my shoulder and neck. I dropped the trash bag right there and slapped my ear. My mom thought I was just imagining something out of past fears, but I felt a tiny sting on my neck and then my shoulder. I still hadn’t made it to the dumpster yet, so I dropped the trash again and this time slapped myself all over while jumping around and asking if ”there was something on me” to which my mom checked several times and saw nothing. A bit more edgy and uncertain, I finally made it to the dumpster and got rid of the trash. Right when I finished disposing of the trash, I felt several more stings; I had had enough and this time started shrieking, jumping around, asking if my mom could see it, and making a fool of myself as I beat myself all over from my torso up. I looked down my shirt and got a glimpse of the offender: it looked smaller than a wasp and skinnier than a bee. It was slightly larger than an average ant, and it had wings. I heard a long time ago that either the queen or the king can fly and perhaps do more damage. I have a feeling this was a queen. As I looked down my shirt and beat myself (it was sort of in my bra), my mom said to just take my shirt off RIGHT OUT IN THE OPEN. I said no way and continued beating myself all the way to the car. Once I got in, I immediately took my shirt off and inspected everything. I also again, asked my mom if she saw anything. She was saying that it was all in my head. It took like two minutes for the bumps to form, but sure enough I was covered in sloppy, tiny bites around my shoulder and neck. I was on edge the entire car ride (still am actually). Unfortunately these experiences have scared me so badly that now I start slapping myself if I feel the tiniest of touch. Most of the time it turns out to be my hair flying in my face. Ugh, what a life.

The news has gotten really insane, so I try to ignore it and watch movies and classic cartoons (when I can find them). You know, we humans bring a lot on our own selves. The world just gets crazier by the day.

”Happiness does not depend on what you have or who you are, it solely relies on what you think.”
– Buddha

A Slightly Interesting Update

I’ve switched to another hobby: research.
I’m currently researching Christmas. I checked out a ton of books from the library the other day, and with this as a start, I’m well on my way of discovering more useless things to preoccupy my mind.
Next up will be the Yin-Yang symbol. I’ve always wondered about that.

My mom and I decided to swap gifts early: I got the “Torches” Foster the People CD I wanted (I’ve lately taken an interest in them – I first discovered them on “Saturday Night Live”), and my mom got some cool Taylor Swift stuff I found. We’ve yet to “celebrate” Christmas with the extended family. One idea going around is for us all (me, my mom, grandmother, and aunt) to see “War Horse” together on Christmas Day. There’s no way in hell that’s happening. I refuse to watch any movie involving the suffering of an animal. I’m too much of an animal lover to bear something like that. So is my mom. The truth is, I don’t want to see a dramatic movie; I’ve had enough of those. Out of my entire list of movies in theaters I want to see, they pick something way off from my interests; figures.

  • Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows
  • A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas
  • Tower Heist
  • We Bought A Zoo
  • The Descendants
  • The Sitter
  • Hugo
  • Carnage
  • Young Adult

I mainly want to see the first two.
Speaking of which, I’ve been watching loads of movies lately; afterwards, I write reviews and post them online. It’s not a novel, but at least I’m writing again. As you can see, I’m still making lists of probably useless things. I call it work, and my mom calls it nothing. Interesting.
While at the library, I couldn’t help but grab a few novels. Needless to say I had to use a basket, which was heavy and overflowing with mostly books on Christmas history and such. Excluding the Christmas stuff:

  • Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman
  • Easily Amused by Karen McQuestion
  • Annabel by Kathleen Winter
  • Trapped by Michael Northrop
  • Fall for Anything by Courtney Summers

I’ve also been probably wasting my time on magazines; actually one in particular: Entertainment Weekly. I’m beginning to think they don’t give a shit, considering all the letters I’ve been sending and still with no response. That’s okay; I enjoy the process of writing and mailing letters. Although, I’m running out of notebooks, and I’m always out of stamps, so that puts a damper on things.
I guess I’ve been acting weird lately. I’m happy with my new hobby; as I always am. One day, I’ll turn these hobbies into a career. I’ve actually thought a lot about that, and have compiled a list of possibilities (in order):

  1. Writer
  2. Film Critic
  3. Editor
  4. Librarian

Right now I wouldn’t mind a job either working as a mail clerk, or a Blockbuster employee. That would be fun.

Right when I rejoin Facebook, they have to go and screw up the privacy settings to the point of frustration. Timeline is and/or will be the worst thing imaginable. It’s beyond way too personal. And did Mark Zuckerberg not take into account that employers do a search on applicants? Why does he have to be such an asshole? My cursor shall remain hovering over the “delete my account” button.

I still have insomnia, though not as bad as before. For the past few nights now I’ve been listening to the audio version (I love the sound of Johnny Depp‘s voice – which is mainly why I bought this – but I am actually enjoying it) of Life – by Keith Richards on my mp3 player until I get sick of it and/or fall asleep. It’s hard to keep track of my place though; that’s a dead end I don’t wish to revive.
I’m slowly obtaining an interest in music; but my heart will always be in books.

The cats are still a pain in the ass. I pick up cat vomit every morning. The worst part is the manner in discovering it (if you know what I mean). Usually it’s Cleopatra, but today I found Jade vomiting (in the worst places: next to one of their food bowls, and then again on their scratch pad). Jade inhales her food in record speed. She’s also acquired quite a tummy from it. Cleopatra is all fur really, but Jade is indeed a little on the heavy side to the point where you can hear her land after jumping down from something (usually something she’s not supposed to be on) with a loud thump!
Cleopatra has finally been sleeping (napping actually). She still howls throughout the night though; it’s all about Mousie. Ugh.

My Halloween Experience And Other Updates

I hate going long periods of time without blogging, but I’m also not too fond of blogging regularly. I just don’t always feel like it, you know?

Halloween was interesting. At first I had planned on stocking up on loads of candy from dollar stores (I’m a bargain shopper in case you haven’t already figured that out), and just stuffing my face all night. After going back and forth in my mind determining my financial situation (my latest bank was pissing me off), I finally ended up going to Walgreens around 9pm. It wasn’t too pleasant of an experience. First off, only one side of the Halloween aisle was covered; the other side was completely bare. And of course, all the good candy was gone, but I improvised. The only regret I have is that damn $7.99 bag of assorted candy. It didn’t do me any good in the long run. The bag contained Cry Baby sour gum balls or whatever. I hadn’t had those in a while, so I tried one last night and omfg it was a killer. My tooth is still painfully sensitive, and not only am I brushing my teeth like mad with Sensodyne toothpaste, but I also scheduled a dentist appoint (!) for tomorrow. It’s that bad. I think it’s the acid or whatever in the candy. I will definitely never try that again. So I ended up only eating a couple pieces of candy, and now I’m stuck with an entire bowl of candy. I could have gone with a stomach ache or anything but a sensitive tooth. I don’t know why this always happens to me. Tonight I’m going to mentally prepare myself for the dentist appointment tomorrow. Or maybe I should just not think about the painful things they’re going to do to me.
Not to mention, while I was shopping for candy, I waited a whole 15 minutes on this lady that had a big basket-full of groceries, and even more coupons. The worst part was I was wearing a jacket and let’s just say it wasn’t quite cold enough for a jacket. No, the worst part was some of the lady’s coupons wouldn’t scan, and the check out guy just had to KEEP TRYING. That was an entirely HORRIBLE experience.
No I did not watch a scary movie either. It took me two years to get over The Ring. I’m very easily scared.

As far as books go, I have been documenting still and creating new lists. Right now I’ll just say that I’m currently reading The Good Patient by Kristin Waterfield Duisberg.

I’m still sort of cyber-stalking Johnny Depp, but not really. I have heard other disagreeing opinions but it is what it is, and it isn’t.

“Fiction is the lie that helps us understand the truth.” Tim O’Brien