We All Have Problems

Let me introduce you to my pets (if I haven’t already):

Symba bird: Cockatiel (age: 15)
His current spot is in a parrot cage on top of my mom’s dresser. Nobody can walk past him without him pitching a fit. He squeaks, he squawks, and he’s weird. Ever since I was three, he’s always hated my hair. Even when I don’t have bedhead, he yells at me. But he loves it when I share my cereal with him. Right now he’s munching on Fruit Loops. He actually prefers cereal instead of his regular bird food. He makes a mess on the floor; I noticed lately that it’s deliberate. He’s very particular and picky about what is put into his cage. So there really aren’t any toys; just mirrors; lots of mirrors. Everyday he tells his reflection how pretty he is, and then he gives it a few licks. I don’t enjoy cleaning his mirrors, but if I don’t clean them, he’ll scream because he can’t see himself clearly. It’s difficult because I’m 5’ft 4’in tall, and my mom’s dresser is much taller, so I can’t quite reach him. If he wouldn’t lick his mirrors in the first place, then we wouldn’t be having these problems. But of course he must lick it.

Caity dog: Jack Russell Terrier (age: 11)
She’s calmed down quite a bit since her actual puppy years, but only a little. She still gets into the trash when she’s upset with us being away for too long as well as her other unknown reasons. She sits in a cat’s window seat all day long, barking as people walk past our apartment. She’s very particular about her “enemies”. The top of her shit list (so to speak) are kids around the age of 2-12 depending on the level of their rowdiness. Next up are fellow dogs that come into her view, cats, and occasionally a moving inanimate object (a shopping bag). It’s extremely difficult to try and have a phone conversation because she always finds something to bark at. I’m startled every time, but my mom is always calm unless she’s on the phone. Caity always gets what she wants. If you saw how she tilted her head to the side with that cute face, you’d give her everything too. Trust me. And don’t even think about trying to outsmart her. She makes me look like an idiot. She also steals my candy every Halloween, but I love her dearly.
She has an early bedtime, and if the light is still on in her place of comfort, she will then give you a “look” and leave in search of a dark and quiet place to sleep. The problem is, she has an early bedtime. I have too many things to do to go to bed at 8pm or whatever; same with my mom. Caity starts out in my mom’s bed, and then later in the night she will come and visit me. She splits her time between the two of us which is sweet, but extremely uncomfortable in my twin-size bed; especially when she insists on sleeping stretched out under the covers in the middle of the bed.

Cleopatra cat: Tabby (age: 2)
She can best be described as a pain in the ass. She throws up usually everyday not because she’s sick (not really), but because she inhales her food and eats non-edible things she finds off the floor. She’s sort of big in a funny way, but not as bad as Garfield. She spends her time chasing her sister and obsessing over a home-made toy. She chases her sister because her sister is an idiot. She waits until her sister is finished improperly using the litter box before she pounces on her and starts..well, beating her up. When it comes to the litter box, I have no sympathy for her sister.
I got tired of purchasing cat toys for them to play with, so I thought of a great idea (at the time): I tied one of their toy mice to a shoestring. Simple, yet Cleopatra fell in love with it. It’s commonly referred to as Mousie. It’s an inexpensive and very effective (too effective) toy, but it’s all she ever thinks about. I keep Mousie in a drawer because otherwise it will just end up in a litter box (if one of my socks isn’t already in there) in an attempt to cover her sister’s poop. It’s frustrating; and now she meows every day, and it’s all about Mousie. Her sister craves food, she craves Mousie. She wants infinite playtime with Mousie. I play with her a few times a day, but when I go to put Mousie up, she follows me meowing the whole way in what sounds like “Noooo! Nooo. No!” after I tell her “Mousie time is over”. I regret my “great idea”. Now I would prefer to shell out a bunch of money on cat toys instead of the existence of Mousie.

Jade cat: Tabby (age: 2)
She’s best described as “slow”. Her favorite hobby is sitting on top of the sofa and staring at the wall in pure fascination. She always has this sort of dazed expression on her face. She caters to me, so whenever I get into bed, she’s quick to join me at my side. The frustrating part is the way she enters my bed. The only way she will get into bed, is if she leaps onto my chest, and then settles herself at my side. It’s actually quite painful, and startling like a sudden attack. She has this sweet, yet annoying whine of a meow. I talk and she responds, I call her and she comes (eventually), but she doesn’t understand much of anything else it seems. She doesn’t understand the importance of covering up her mess after she’s done in the litter box like most cats do. We have three litter boxes (we heard it’s better that way), and she uses all three: she’ll go into one, careful not to let the litter touch her paws, wipe her paws (before even using the litter box) on the edge, then balance herself so that she can squat inside the litter box without actually being in the litter box. Usually the first time she will have urinated, so when she’s finished, she turns around and wipes her paws on the edge, smells where she has just urinated, then wipes her paws some more. She will go to the next littler box and do the same, but doing more than just urinating. It’s a strange and unnecessary process that nobody understands. I’ve tried to show her how to cover up her mess, but she doesn’t get it. Her sister takes matters into her own paws by waiting until she’s finished using the litter box to pounce on her in frustration, and continue to beat her up by getting on top of her and biting her until her sister screams or until I squirt them with a water bottle. I asked her sister what good was violence, and that the last thing she needed was to get hit (or slapped actually) in the head. So far, violence has solved nothing but satisfy Cleopatra. The problem still remains. She’s ran into a wall twice this year, which really doesn’t help her case. She also continues to use the furniture as a scratch pad even after all the different scratch pads we have bought. I really don’t understand her. And if it’s not Caity getting into the trash, then it’s Jade getting on top of the counters in the kitchen at night and stealing/eating whatever has been forgotten. I must say she’s the strangest of them all.

Looks can be deceiving..

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